Home.

Home. It's supposed to be a simple concept. An involuntary reaction, like a sneeze. I say "home," and you blurt out "_______." You know it and relate to it they way you do to your own name. It's a part of your identity.

There's supposed to be no place like it, and yet there are so many places that ARE home to me, and even more that were but no longer are. I have spent most of my life moving all over the place - so many different countries, cultures, languages. On top of that, I'm a mix of two nationalities. During my childhood I often felt like someone had misplaced me. I didn't know where to belong, and sometimes I didn't know how either.

Before living in CA, I spent eight of my formative years in Thailand. Imagine how difficult it is to feel you are from a country you have no biological roots to but understand culturally on every level. I took my husband and son to Thailand in 2006. I was so excited to show them where I had grown up, the food I had eaten every day, the sights and smells. To my surprise, my timeless Bangkok had changed so completely and it wasn't *home* anymore. I still knew my way around the streets, but most of my familiar landmarks were gone. Even some of the smells were different. Much as the rapidly changing skyline of every Asian city, my Bangkok had evolved into something new while I was gone. I left Bangkok happy that I had gone back, but sad and feeling betrayed that what I come for had long since been replaced with a shiny coat of newness. I can't think of many times in my life I have felt that let down. The things that made her so quintessentially unique to all other Asian cities and so sought after by tourists are quickly falling away.

These days, when someone asks me where I am from, a surprise comes out of my mouth. I say "we're from California." I never thought I would identify with California, much less the US as a whole, but after 9/11 happened I suddenly realized that I had become a American and hadn't even noticed. Thirteen years in CA sure did fly by.

Now when I think "home," I think of two places: my parent's backyard in Morgan Hill, CA and my grandmother's little house in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. And of course home is also where my husband and son are :)