Remembering 9/11.

I was in California, on my way to work. Being on the opposite side of the country, some of the events had already happened, but I didn't know it yet.

Morning radio sucks a lot. I'm not much for Howard Stern, but as there was nothing else on at the time and I forgot to bring a CD with me, I hit the 105.3 preset. Something about a plane hitting a building. I listened for a second, but I wasn't paying full attention as I was driving. I had a vague notion it was a joke, like an Orwellian radio story... or maybe it was another radio hack, which happens on a few popular alternative channels from time to time. I switch over to another channel. What's this? My ears perk up; it's the same story, same voice. I finally listen and reality begins to sink in. I'm getting closer to work, and I'm beginning to freak out.

I finally make my way up to the fourth floor where my department is. I walk hurriedly to the end of my side of the building, and Frances steps out and her eyes are huge. I stammer something about what is on the radio, and she slowly confirms "It's true." The bottom floor of our building was full of TVs with news feed, so our team goes down and files into some abandoned cubes. Eight televisions are in front of us, all with the same horrible, gut wrenching images but on different channels. My heart seems to stop, and I think of an acquaintence who works at the MTV office not far from the WTC (she was fine).

I don't entirely remember what happened for the next thirty or so minutes. I remember seeing the second tower fall. I remember feeling weak. I think it was my friend and coworker Jay who put his arm around me so that I wouldn't completely lose it. Everyone on my team was sick to their stomach... one person even had to go outside and smoke because they were crying so hard.

We all went home. My friends Chris and Alison and I decided to drive down to the closest Red Cross in Downtown San Jose and donate blood. Little did we know more people would die than need the blood. The line was almost all the way around the block, so we decided to get a bite to eat and go back. It was so inspiring to see so many people quick to give their own time and blood for those who might need it.

Thinking of 9/11 still chokes me up. Just this morning there was a snippet on the news about the 9/11 remembrance going on in the US, and I cried. I can't bear to watch the movie that came out. I had lived most of my life outside of the US, and when I was in the US I didn't feel that I was really fitting in. 9/11 is the day that made me realize that I truly was an American. My mother is muslim, and it was the same for her.

We can't forget. We will not forgive. I am not better than that.